Kitten

Love

2007-06-03T03:57:09Z

Is two weeks too soon to be in love? Because if it's not, I think I'm in love with Michael.

I don't understand it. In such a small space of time, I've come to truly care for him. I barely know him and yet I feel like I've known him my entire life. I think about him 24/7. I can't stop thinking about him. Every morning I wake up, and my mind is flooded with thoughts of him. I remember things he said the night before and I get the cheesiest grin on my face. I sigh at the fact that I may not talk to him until that night. When I try to fall asleep at night, I can't because my thoughts are racing through everything that was said before we said "Good night, darling".

I'm so confused right now, and yet I'm not. I want to tell him how I feel, and I know that he's wanted to say the same. But is it too soon? I feel like everything in this "relationship" just clicked, and that's why we've moved so fast. It's why we feel so connected. I care about him so much...

Is it too soon to say, "I love you, Michael."?

How God Intended it to Be

2007-05-30T05:12:11Z

Soulmates.

I don't know if I ever actually believed in the term. There are so many people out there that we connect with on so many different levels: Spritually, Emotionally, Physically, etc...so it's hard to really pick out that ONE person that was MEANT for you and just you. There could be hundreds of people out there that are truly meant for you. How can you pick just one person? It's like searching through a needle in a haystack. Or going back to the puzzle reference, a soulmate is like that one puzzle piece that completes you. There's only one piece in the entire box that fits that ONE spot. There could be some other puzzle out there with the same shaped piece...but on the outside things just look off.

Part of me wants to believe that God had intended for us to have this kind of connection with a lot more people. But because of something that happened in the past, we guard ourselves or are too afraid to show our true selves to someone.

Because of this, the "soulmate" developed. Someone somewhere along the lines thought, "Hey, maybe there IS one person out there for me somewhere." And that one person just so happens to be the person that you feel that connection with. That connection that God had planned for everyone, but only now happens occasionally or only once in a lifetime. Maybe even never...because you're so scared to actually come out of your shell and experience life how it was meant to be.

I still don't know if I believe in the term...but I guess I'm just one step closer to thinking it actually could exist. Wouldn't it be cool to think that there was that one person out there for you?

Wouldn't it be cool to think that God has someone just for YOU?

Life is Like Happiness

2007-05-27T00:38:22Z

Life
It's like watching the rain
pouring down

Life
It's like two best friends
goofing around

It's like a couple
On their first date
It's like happiness
And I can't wait

To be happy with you
It's my dream come true
To be here with you
My skies are no longer blue

And loving you...
Is all I can think to do

Life
It's like strolling throught park
With no cares in mind

Life
It's like walking into a test
Completely blind

It's like a couple
On their first date
It's like happiness
And I can't wait

To be happy with you
It's my dream come true
To be here with you
My skies are no longer blue

It's like loving you
Loving you...
Is all I can think to do

It's like a couple
On their first date
It's like happiness
And I can't wait

To be happy with you
It's my dream come true
To be here with you
My skies are no longer blue

It's like loving you
Loving you...
Is all I can think to do

Just Another Day...Or Is It?

2007-05-24T22:20:35Z

I'm sitting here on my lunch break from work contemplating my life as it stands.

Pros:
I have a great guy in my life
I have wonderful friends
I have a job
I go to school
I'm learning how to cook
My family loves me
I have music

Cons:
I owe my parents lots of money
The guy in my life lives 7 hours away
I don't have time for my friends lately
I have too much homework
I don't make the greatest paycheck

I guess things could be worse, right?

I was sitting at the desk earlier reading a book, and the damn book was driving me crazy. This girl was going on and on about how she hated flights. All these horrible things happened to her. Even her relationship seemed like a joke. Their communication was that of two people who...don't know how to communicate. I mean, she's even lying to him to give him what he wants to hear. It made me sick just reading it.

My life could be like that...but it's not.

So I guess I'm grateful. I don't have a screwed up life like some people out there. Thank you, God. (And I'm not saying that in a prayerful tone, mind you)

-Cat

Missing a Piece

2007-05-18T04:07:37Z

Have you ever gotten that feeling deep in your heart like there's just something missing? You try to fill it with all those things around you that used to fill it up and make you happy, but it just isn't working?

Take, for instance, a puzzle. You dump it out and start putting it together. Piece by piece it all seems to start looking like an image. You get so excited as it looks more and more like the picture on the front cover on the box...and then suddenly it hits you: it's missing a piece.

That's about how I feel right now. I don't understand why, and don't ask...but the things that used to make me happy and used to make me feel complete no longer get the job done.

I try to fill it with music, but it only makes me feel more distant. I try to fill it with good company, but for some reason it just doesn't hit the spot. I try to fill it with text messages and phone conversations, but that only lasts for a short while...and I'm left feeling worse than before.

Life is too short to feel like this, I've decided. So I think, as soon as I get done with college, I'm leaving. I love you all to death, but living in Muskegon just isn't filling my heart anymore. It's not a final decision because you never know what will happen in the future, but I honestly think there's a life out there waiting for me. A life waiting for me to take that chance and step out of my little shell in Muskegon. I can feel the pull from it...but I can't answer it yet. Just one year.

One year and I might be able to make myself happy for the rest of my life.

What Happens at ACen STAYS at Acen

2007-05-14T01:45:07Z

I just got back from the most amazing three days of my entire 20 year life (ok, so I'm not 20, but it's close enough).

I went to the Anime Central convention this weekend and I had a BLAST. I met new friends (whom I miss a ton). I probably lost about 5 pounds because of the amount of exercise and the lack of eating.

More later. Now, it's time to shower and take care of my suitcase.

A Sad Realization

2007-05-06T03:17:49Z

I have no life.

My mother grounded me. Supposedly, I can't go to ACen on Thursday. Thats ridiculous. I've already put $45 into it, and if I didn't go it'd raise the price for everyone else in my group to go. So I'm pretty sure that's not gonna fly.

I can't find myself a decent boyfriend.

I can't keep a best friend for more than a couple months.

I suck at school. Majorly.

But on the bright side, I think I found out what I want to do with the rest of my life. We were driving home from my cousin's performance in Kalamazoo, and I realized I wanted to be a stay at home wife. That's what I want to do. Maybe have a small job on the side that is only 20 or so hours a week so I can have some cash on the side.

The "Lies and Slander" Become Real

2007-05-05T03:44:49Z

He lied. Go figure.

I always fall for a guy that plays with my feelings. Always.

He told me they were done with. She's still writing "I Love You"'s on his myspace. Good thing I stopped talking to him.

Sleeping In and Thinking...

2007-05-04T00:21:57Z

It's been quite an uneventful day. It's funny to think about today in a normal sense. Today is my ex-boyfriend's birthday. I'm not sure why I'm thinking about him. We broke up a year ago. I guess it's just old memories coming back. Maybe part of it is the fact that I haven't had a boyfriend in a while. I'm just frustrated that no one is interested. I don't understand why. I just want to find myself a good man and settle into a good relationship...

Tired of the System

2007-04-30T19:07:06Z

I went to the college today and tried to return a few of my books. Turns out both of them are previous editions and they aren't worth shit anymore. I needed that money for gas. Hopefully the girl I'm driving around will give me some gas money.

I'm so excited, though. In less than two weeks I'll be in Chicago for three days. If that's not cool, I don't know what is. I'm going for ACen, or Anime Central (for those of you who don't know what ACen stands for just by looking at it). It's a convention that has tons of shops, people and bands that come in who are related to anime and manga. I'm pumped. We're staying in this nice hotel for two nights, and the convention is three days. We leave a week from this thursday (by we, I mean Jim and his girlfriend), and we leave for home that Sunday. Sorry for those of you that wanted to make plans with me. I'll be gone!

Yesterday I felt like shit. It was like I was getting some kind of cold or something, except for my entire body was in pain, and my head was just throbbing. I woke up today just fine. Which is weird, because I definitely thought that I was getting something. I guess I shouldn't complain, though. I could be sick right now and I'm not.

I'm not looking forward to the next two weeks at work. I've got long six (6) or seven (7) hour shifts that I have to do each day. I'm not the type to work for that long all at one time. I like three (3) or (4) hour shifts. I feel like the time whizzes by. Two 3 hour shifts would do me just fine. I wouldn't feel like the day was dragging on and on and on...

Anyway...today should be quite interesting. I get to drag my friend around to find a driving school so she can get her driver's license. Her mom said she'd buy her a car once she got her license. Wish us luck.

<3 Cat

Another Day, Another Person to Lose Respect For

2007-04-28T05:04:52Z

I am so tired. Not sure why it hit me all of a sudden. I think part of it is due to the fact that I'm just...tired of life. I'm tired of meeting all these people who aren't who they say they are or who they seem to be.

I honestly feel like my life has hit a slump. Ever since I moved from high school to college, everything has pretty much gone downhill. Everything has changed. I want to get out of MCC so bad.

I don't know...

To Open a Book is to Look into Someone's Heart

2007-04-26T04:17:46Z

So here I am, staying up late on a Wednesday night. Not sure why. To be honest, I'm a little bit tired.

So here's a poem to keep you occupied:

END

Meeting
Love
Tears
End
God, please help me
This is not how I bend
Is this only a dream
Or has it all fallen down
With just one breath
I’m here and you’re gone

The rain will not stop
Until it drowns my heart
Like two “north” magnets
This is how we part
God, please help me
This is not how I bend
Meeting
Love
Tears
End

Meeting
Love
Tears
End
God, please help me
For my heart needs to mend
From the rain comes a flood
Taking down things in its path
It has let loose all hell
Anger and wrath

From birth to death
We were all made to cry
We are tortured for years
And no one will ever know why
God, please help me
For my heart needs to mend
Meeting
Love
Tears
The End…